Tessa’s Mum’s Day Reflection

When we moved to South Africa, people here in black South African communities asked us if our children moved with us. That question took my breath away. I could not imagine this kind of move without my children. And we would not have made it if we couldn’t have brought our children.

But, you see, we had a choice. Yes, this is a call to serve. But we had choice in the matter. We had good jobs. And it was the restless ache to live outside of our usual world and to connect deeply with cultures other than our own that brought us across the world. We did not move for economic reasons.

But many mothers (and fathers) do. Many communities here can imagine such a move without children – because they’ve done it and they are still doing it. I have met people who are studying in South Africa while their families remain in their home countries. There is not enough money for everyone to come. And so, it is the one earning the advanced degree who comes. The rest stay at home. I have also met mothers and fathers who live away from home because there is no work at home. The other parent (if there is a living or involved other parent) is raising the kids at home. But more likely, it is the gogo’s, the grannies, who are raising the children in these situations.

Early on in our time in South Africa, I commented to Bishop Biyela, then chaplain at the Lutheran Theological Institute (the Lutheran seminary located right here in Pietermaritzburg), that so many people I was meeting were living away from their families. He helped me understand by explaining that during Apartheid, it was normalized to live away from one’s family as one had to in order to have work. I found “normalized” to be a powerful word to explain this situation. So much became “normal” during Apartheid. Families continue to live apart in the midst of economic challenges.

And so, on this Mother’s Day where I just had the privilege of tucking in my children, I give a shout-out to all of the mothers (and fathers) who are living away from their children so that their children might know a better life. You have my deep admiration and respect.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. This morning I went to the farmer’s market and bought Tessa some flowers. Later in the morning the four of us went wandering a little, stopping at a pottery shop, an organic farm and restaurant, a chocolate shop and group of stores that included a nursery and a wine shop.  Then we came home and I called my parents and wished my mom an early Happy Mother’s Day. Haven’t met my mother? Here’s a quote by Shakespeare that captures something of her character, “Though she be but little, she is fierce.” Thank God for mothers and all those who mother! Frankly, I think they’re holding this world together.

The larger blooms are proteas, the national flower of South Africa.

Stop Reflecting?!

This week was the fourth and final mini-retreat we have hosted for the YAGM. Two volunteers have come at a time to stay with us in Pietermaritzburg—arriving on one day, staying on the second day and departing on the third day. The retreat starts on arrival day at dinnertime as we watch an episode of “Shoreline” (http://www.shorelinesa.co.za/shoreline-the-series). This excellent documentary explores the coastal areas of South Africa with a group of experts including an archaeologist, an historian, a marine biologist and a frequent guest storyteller. Specifically, we have watched the episode on the nearby Durban area as much of it focuses on the stories of the large and significant Indian population in the country. “Among cities, [Dr. Alwyn Didar Singh] says Durban has the highest concentration of Indians overseas” (http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-07-23/mumbai/29807173_1_durban-south-africa-uk).

The second day is the full retreat day, ending with a one-on-one conversation with me. Perhaps the biggest surprise of the mini-retreats is that I have found myself actually telling YAGM during these one-on-one conversations to stop reflecting. Stop processing. Stop journaling. And this isn’t an isolated incident with one individual. I’ve said this to a majority of the YAGM. This is surprising for at least three reasons: I’m the one who’s said it; I’m saying this to generally-busy millennials; and I’m saying this to YAGM volunteers, people seeking a deeply meaningful experience.

But why have I been suggesting that others stop reflecting? I have been thinking about this quite a bit, especially over the last couple days. I think I’ve discovered some reasons behind my suggestion to stop reflecting. For one thing, there are such internal and external pressures to get life right and to transform, if not the world then at least oneself. Secondly, constant “processing” throws one into the role of an observer. Finally, I think there are already plenty of time pressures that might cause one to prematurely begin ending an experience, wrapping it up and drawing conclusions, packaging its value to prove that it was worthwhile.

As I slow down to listen to what I have been telling others, I recognize that I’ve bumped into something very important to me, for my own life. I find it extremely easy to try to get it right, to try to (forcefully) shape my own transformation, to sit outside of my experience more than a bit too much in order to squeeze every drop of meaning out of it, to rest in the safety of observing and concluding. I have these tendencies in any context but sometimes find those tendencies dialed up even more here in South Africa, perhaps because my environment is new to me. So I’ve been attempting to stay open, to stay actively engaged, to wonder and to let life be messy. But do I really mean to stop reflecting? For one thing, that’s just not possible for me. For another, no, I don’t believe that’s what I really mean.

One of my artistic and life heroes is theatre director Anne Bogart. Bogart encourages bold decision. At the same time, she encourages wonder. As we step into a bold choice, she encourages that we ask ourselves, “What is this?” Spending time reflecting with the YAGM is teaching me a great deal. I’m seeking a dynamic life in which I am open and responsive to the world unfolding around me. Yes, I want to make good decisions and I want to be active in those decisions. I also desire to sustain wonder and curiosity, my ability to grow and develop, to learn from others. And I am surrounded by such excellent teachers; it would be such a loss to shut them out. So I continue to wonder, thankfully.

Isaac’s Class Trip to Durban

Isaac and a shark jaw.

Maybe you’re wondering what we’ve been up to as we haven’t been posting on our blog for weeks. We’ll catch you up a bit. We live about an hour from Durban, South Africa’s third most populous city and busiest shipping port. Isaac recently went on a class trip to Durban along with all the members of his school’s two fifth grade classes. The trip included a visit with the Kwazulu-Natal Sharks Board. Yep, sharks. But, before the theme from “Jaws” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucMLFO6TsFM) starts to play and cause us all a great deal of anxiety, let’s read some data and rest assured that shark attacks are “rare” events (http://www.shark.co.za/SaSharkAttacks). As for Isaac’s class trip, a shark dissection was one of the highlights.

Hangin’ Out the Laundry

My mom hanging up laundry (2010)

It is humid in Pietermaritzburg. So, there are many days where I wonder if the laundry will dry. But today, there was a hint of fall in the air that gave a nice cool crispness. And so, I hung out the laundry with confidence. And as I stood there hanging up the laundry, I thought, as I do every single time, of hanging up laundry with my mom at my childhood home.

It’s funny. Those aren’t memories I expected to carry with me wherever I went. But I did. Unbeknownst to me, those memories jumped into the suitcases with everything else that came with us. And frankly, I’m incredibly thankful to have an ordinary life-task to connect me to my mom across the many, many, miles.

South Africa or Southern Africa – Which Is It?

Yes, good question! If you’ve been following along with my most concrete work – the Young Adults in Global Mission (YAGM) program – you might have noticed that sometimes I say it is in South Africa and sometimes I say it is in Southern Africa. So which is it?

Well, the correct answer is southern Africa. Our partner church for this work is ELCSA – the Evangelical Lutheran Church in Southern Africa. And, this is their name because they have churches not only in South Africa but also in Swaziland, Botswana and beginning in Lesotho. However, because most of the churches are in South Africa and because all of the placement sites for YAGM are currently in South Africa, I find myself just referring to South Africa. But that really isn’t fair or correct.

This week, I traveled outside of South Africa’s borders but still within ELCSA’s borders. I traveled to Swaziland to meet the Bishop of the Eastern Diocese, Rev. Mnisi. The diocese he serves encompasses churches in South Africa and Swaziland and his office is in Swaziland.

It was a very short trip but one for which I am incredibly thankful. It was wonderful to meet the Bishop and the staff. I was able to join them for their morning devotions and worship for which I am grateful. I also was able to hear about the work that is done in the diocese, caring for people most in need. In addition, there is a primary and a high school right on the church center property. And, I have to mention that the bishop brought with him a practice he had as a pastor – he raises chickens and grows some of his own food. I deeply appreciate this practice and that he has been able to maintain it even in his role as bishop. It is inspiring me to get our own garden planted at our home.

For my return back to South Africa, the bishop suggested a travel route which was shorter than the one my GPS chose for my arrival. I was appreciative of a new route not only because it was shorter but also because it allowed me a bit more travel time in Swaziland. And, to be honest, I always try to take a new route if I possibly can. I always like to see new things.

As I was driving through a corner of Swaziland to get to the border crossing, there was a spot to pull over and take a few pictures. They are posted here but they do not come close to capturing the beauty I was experiencing. I hope to take more photos next time.

neh

On Tuesday I had a conversation with Godfrey, a student at the Lutheran Theological Institute. It was a fairly lengthy conversation as we talked about many things, ranging from theological education to vocation to economics to faith. At the end of the conversation I decided to ask about a word that I had heard Godfrey speak. Based on how he used it, I could infer a meaning but I still wanted to ask about it. At the ends of some of his sentences Godfrey said ‘neh’. From the way he spoke the word it seemed to me that he was checking in with me, seeking some kind of affirmation through adding the word ‘neh’.

When I asked him what it meant, it surprised him a bit that he was even using the word. It seems to me that this shows how secondhand it was for him to add the word to the ends of some of his sentences. Godfrey shared with me that the word is used to emphasize and to affirm. He also shared that it is Setswana or Tswana and that it is a relatively new word. While people of his grandparents’ generation would recognize it and understand it, he told me that they probably wouldn’t use it. According to Godfrey it is an invented word and it does not have other usages or meanings. The closest I could imagine in American English are the words ‘yes’ or ‘right’: It’s a big deal, yes/right?! I should have asked Godfrey if ‘neh’ is every an actual question (prompting an answer that could vary as opposed to simply prompting an affirmation that the listener has followed the meaning of the statement and agrees). I don’t know for sure, but it seems that ‘neh’ communicates a rhetorical question.

Who couldn’t use a new word in their vocabulary, neh?! (By the way it’s pronounced to rhyme with the word ‘hay’ but the vowel is quite short.)